Epilogue

  • Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie. ~Jim Davis
  • There is a lot more juice in grapefruit than meets the eye. ~Author Unknown
  • Sex is good, but not as good as fresh, sweet corn. ~Garrison Keillor
  • Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? ~Author Unknown
  • Shipping is a terrible thing to do to vegetables. They probably get jet-lagged, just like people. ~Elizabeth Berry
  • Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that’s bad for you! ~Tommy Smothers
  • As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. ~Buddy Hackett
  • My favorite animal is steak. ~Fran Lebowitz
  • The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. ~G.K. Chesterton
  • In Mexico we have a word for sushi: bait. ~Jose Simons
  • I don’t think America will have really made it until we have our own salad dressing. Until then we’re stuck behind the French, Italians, Russians and Caesarians. ~Pat McNelis
  • Chili represents your three stages of matter: solid, liquid, and eventually gas. ~Roseanne Barr
  • A nickel will get you on the subway, but garlic will get you a seat. ~Old New York proverb
  • It’s bizarre that the produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician. ~Meryl Streep
  • We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons. ~Alfred E. Newman
  • Hey yogurt, if you’re so cultured, how come I never see you at the opera? ~Attributed to Stephen Colbert
  • I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead. ~Woody Allen
  • Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. ~Mark Twain
  • Condensed milk is wonderful. I don’t see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans. ~Fred Allen
  • The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. ~Calvin Trillin
  • If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? ~Author Unknown
  • An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh. ~Will Rogers
  • Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. ~Mark Twain
  • And, of course, the funniest food of all, kumquats. ~George Carlin
  • Pre-heat the oven? Really? If I was the sort of person who planned ahead, I wouldn’t be eating this Totino’s Party Pizza in the first place. ~Adam Peterson
  • A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do. ~P.J. O’Rourke
  • Avoid fruit and nuts. You are what you eat. ~Jim Davis
  • I’m not sure what makes pepperoni so good - if it’s the pepper or the oni. ~S.A. Sachs
  • Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is. ~P.J. O’Rourke
  • We got married in a fever hotter than a pepper sprout. ~June Carter Cash
  • Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray. ~Author Unknown
  • A golfer’s diet: live on greens as much as possible. ~Author Unknown
  • Let your food be your medicine and your medicine be your food. ~Hippocrates
  • Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not! ~Author Unknown
  • Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces. ~Judith Viorst
  • There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles. ~Author Unknown
  • Chocolate is an antidepressant, which is especially useful as you start to gain weight. ~Jason Love
  • I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is fourteen days. ~Totie Fields
  • I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it. ~Author Unknown
  • The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook. ~Andy Rooney
  • A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. ~Author Unknown
  • My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. ~Orson Welles
  • The only way to lose weight is to check it as airline baggage. ~Peggy Ryan
  • Never eat more than you can lift. ~Miss Piggy
  • Caffeine isn’t a drug, it’s a vitamin! ~Author Unknown
  • In Seattle you haven’t had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it’s running. ~Jeff Bezos
  • Ultimate office automation - networked coffee machines. ~Author Unknown
  • Water is the most essential element of life, because without it you can’t make coffee. ~Author Unknown
  • Vegetarian - that’s an old Indian word meaning “lousy hunter.” ~Andy Rooney
  • If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? ~Author Unknown